


Bittersweet Symphony (Clexa AU)

by giask777



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 16:12:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7229485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giask777/pseuds/giask777
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa has left her life in LA to start anew in New York city. When she meets Clarke, she believes that she can finally have a chance at a new life, but the ghosts from the past always have a tendency to resurface when you expect them the least, and Lexa will soon have to deal with her old life before she can even begin to dream of a new one with Clarke. But will she be able to do that all on her own?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Collide

Lexa had been running for an hour. Her calves and thighs were now completely frozen, and she could no longer feel the stiff cold wind of this December morning run across her skin like razor blades. She felt numb. Empty. And she loved it. 

The past year has been such a drain, emotionally and physically. During the last few months she had been going on auto mode. There had been so many things to take care of. So many people to tend to, to explain things to. And yesterday, as she found herself alone in this new apartment, in this new city, with no one she knew, it had suddenly hit her. Like a ton of bricks it had finally hit her with full force. She was alone. She had to start over. Again. She had thought those days gone long ago, but here she was again. And suddenly she felt unsafe. She felt small. And she longed for a presence. Someone to comfort her. To tell her that everything would be okay. But there was no one. And she had wanted it that way. It did seem like a good idea at the time, starting over, starting anew, cutting all the bridges and begin another life, in another part of the world. Back home there had been too many memories, too much angst, too much of everything that kept threatening to overcome her, and make her lose control. And this was not the person she was. She was always in control. Always on top of her emotions. She was a strong, independent woman, and she didn't need anybody. 

She looked around her at the empty space that surrounded her, filled here and there with a few unpacked boxes......who the hell was she kidding? And then she had collapsed. She had stayed there crying like a small child for hours...or maybe days...she had lost track of time. Then when there had been no more tears, she had gotten up, put on her running shoes, and walked out the door in that new world, in that new city, and she had begun to run. Run away. From her past, from her present, from the uncertain future that loomed, and nagged at her. 

*****  
Clarke walked out of the club. They had just finished loading the last of the equipment in the truck. It had been a great night. Not that they would be able to pay tomorrow's rent with what they had made, but hey tomorrow was another day. She would deal with it when the time came. Right now, she felt good. 

She let the cold breeze run across her damp face, and closed her eyes taking a deep breath in. She loved the city in the wee hours of the morning. She had moved from LA a few months back, and she had already fallen head over heels with New York. Here everything was so raw, so real. She ran her lower lip over her top one and tasted the saltiness of a night well spent. 

"Yo, girl! You comin'?" called out Raven. 

"Nah. I think I'll take a walk." Clarke replied. 

Raven shrugged as she stepped into the van "Well, I'm beat. I'm hitting the sack and won't reappear till tomorrow. Don't go get kidnapped in ‘em woods!" She said with a wink. 

Clarke chuckled, as she stuck her hands in the pockets of her jeans and began to walk up the street 

"I'll be fine."

*****

Lexa took a deep breath in, and closed her eyes tight as images from the past year began to assail her. Coastia. The accident. The trial. She raised a hand to her chest as she began to feel a pang in it. She coughed, and took a deep breath in, opening her eyes just in time but a little too late to see a dark mass standing in front of her. She came in full collision with Clarke, whose nose had been in the air. Both girls fell back on their rear from the shock of the collision. 

"Fuck man! Can't you look where you are going?" Lexa cursed. 

"Right back at you woman!" Clarke threw back as she held her head in her hand. 

Lexa pulled herself back up against her hands, muttering and cursing under her breath. As she looked up, her anger suddenly disappeared at the sight of blood at the corner of the other girl's scalp. She quickly pulled herself up, and hurried to the other girl, kneeling in front her and gently removing Clarke's hand from her forehead. 

"God, are you okay?" She stood frozen as the most beautiful blue eyes looked back at her.

"Honey...." Clarke whispered.

Lexa frowned "What?"

"There's honey flowing in your eyes"

Lexa's eyes widened, and she slightly chuckled. "Um, I think you really hurt your head there. Are you okay?"

Clarke shook herself up. What was up with her? Suddenly she had completely lost herself in those gold-flecked green eyes. That had never happened. Like NEVER. What the hell? She looked away and shrugged, composing herself and gathering her cool, self confident, devil may care exterior back on. She pulled herself back as she wiped at the blood from her forehead. She dusted herself off, avoiding those eyes that seemed to peer into her soul and made her completely lose her composure. 

"Yeah, I'm just fine. No thanks to you." 

Lexa pulled herself back up. "Hey, sorry for caring." 

"No one asked you anything" Clarke snapped, and immediately caught herself. 

What was up with her, damn it? It wasn't the girl's fault after all. She had not been paying attention either. And what could she reproach the other girl? Giving a damn about people? Being a little human? 

Lexa's jaw tightened. Her eyes blazed. Usually she would not have let anyone talk to her like that. Shit. Who did this bitch think she was? Hey, it's not because you are drop dead gorgeous that it gives you the right to treat people like shit....she caught herself....where did THAT come from?  
"Well, then...." 

Lexa replied in a practiced cold and distant tone that always worked when she could not quite yet compose her mask fully back on, but still needed to erect a protecting wall around her, 

"...fine." 

She quickly began to walk away; her head high, as her mask of “no one can reach me” finally reached her eyes.

Clarke bit her lip as she watched the other girl walk away, already feeling a sense of...loss? What the hell??? She shrugged that nonsense off, stuck her hands back in her pockets, and walked away.


	2. Somebody's Watching Me

Lexa arrived back at her apartment to find her door slightly ajar. Damn it! Ten year in LA and never a break in, and the first month in this city and she had already been robbed. A cold chill ran down her spine as she heard movement coming from inside. Shit. Were they still here? Okay, think, think, think. The smart thing would be to walk away, and go grab the first cop she found on the street, but...shit, her cats, could she leave her cats like this? At the hand of those low life loosers? It might not have seemed like much and sounded kind of ridiculous to any other Joeblow on the street, but those were not just pets. They had been with her through thick and thin. More than she could say from most of the people in her life that had claimed themselves friends, or even 'family'. 

Lexa took a deep breath in. Her taser. Where had she left it last? Yep, figures, the nightstand drawer. And the bedroom was way on the other side of the apartment. 

Lexa heard a loud rummage. Okay, that's it. I'm going in. Lexa slowly walked in and everything fell silent in the two bedrooms space. Shit. Lexa began to tiptoe down the hallway. She slowly opened the door of the closet, and grabbed her tennis racket out from it. It may not be a baseball bat, but, adjusted the right way, she was certain she could do some damage on the guy's head....maybe even crack it open....and then, she would have the time to....  
The crack of a taser made Lexa jump on her axe, an almost Xena-like scream coming out of her as she threw her racket in the air, ready to strike as her blond assailant was ready to lunge forward, the blazing taser in her hand. 

Both women stop in mid air, staring at each other in utter bewilderment.

"Anya?" Lexa exclaimed "What the hell are you doing here?"

The smaller blond, dark eyed girl, held her hand over her chest as she tried to regain a somewhat normal breathing. 

"Is that your new New York style to be sneaking in on people like that?" said Anya out of breath.

"This is my house! How did you get in? You don't have a key."

Anya chuckled, "Yeah, like that ever stopped me." 

She pointed at the racket still hung in the air, took a step back and lowered the taser at her side.

"Lower your weapon, I'll lower mine."

Lexa looked at the racket and threw it to the side.

"What are you doing here? How did you know where to find me?"

"The moving company had your new address, genius."

"Can't trust anyone with confidential info nowadays."

"Is it now that you just figure this out?"

"What do you want, Anya?" Lexa asked aggravated as she went to find her cats who were purring, lounged on her bed in deep slumber.

"Did you think you were going to get away, leaving us all without any news, without any knowledge if you were okay, just like that?"

Lexa looked above her shoulder as she picked a stretching Callisto from the bed and gathered her in her arms. She shrugged.

"Yes."

"We're your friends, damn it!"

Lexa shrugged as she kissed Callisto. 

Anya crossed her arms on her chest and ogled Lexa.

"That won't work with me, girl. I've known you forever. I know all your tricks. I know all your walls. You thought it would solve everything? Running away?"

"I needed a new start."

Anya came to sat by Lexa's side and gently pulled a miaowing Callisto from her arms, while Lexa avoided Anya's inquisitive stare. Anya let the cat on the floor and took Lexa's hands in hers. 

"Look at me." inquired Anya.

Lexa looked at their entwined hands.

"Look at me." 

Lexa looked up, her mask once again plastered on her face. 

Anya slightly smiled as she recognised the detached look her friend had mastered to excellence over the years. But she knew her better than that. She knew all of her many faces. She knew everything that was going on in this gorgeous head of hers. She knew of all the pain that she so very well managed to hide behind those seemingly so very confident eyes. She knew of all the cracks, and tears, and holes of that soul. And Lexa knew all of hers.

"You can drop the act, Lexa. And just remember that you can run as fast as the wind, and as far away as the other end of the Universe, the ghosts from the past will always manage to follow. Unless you confront them head on."

The curtain in Lexa's eyes suddenly fell, and tears gathered at the corner of her eyes. Tear she would still refuse to shed. Not when someone was around. Not even Anya. No one would see her cry. No one would see her break. But for Anya, she kept a small door open. Something that the other girl had taken years at managing to open. 

"I don't know how to do that."

Anya squeezed Lexa's hands. 

"That's why I'm here. We'll figure it out together."

A small smile appeared at the corner of Lexa's mouth and she nodded. 

"Say it." Anya said with a playful glint in her eyes.

"What?"

"You know what. Say it." 

Lexa rolled her eyes.

"You're such a pain!" 

Lexa pulled her hands away from Anya's.

"Come on..."

"Fine! I'm...glad you're here."

Anya shouted out as she reached for Lexa and pulled her in a tight hug.

"Ha! I knew you couldn't resist me long, girl."

"Shut up!" Lexa said as she smiled, not pushing Anya away but gathering her in a hug.


	3. I Love Rock 'n Roll

Clarke was sitting on the stage, playing a few chords, slightly humming. The rest of the band was still backstage. They knew better than to disrupt this very sacred time Clarke needed to herself before every concert. She enjoyed those few moments, with just her and the music reverbing against the walls of the still empty club. She would usually be playing a few harmonies. Not anything in particular. Usually just a mix of a few of her favorite songs or covers. But today there was this one that kept coming back. It had been drumming in her head all night and she had not been able to get any sleep until she started putting it down on paper. The words and the notes had been flying across the sheet with such ease, she still found herself amazed at it. They were all carried by the same image: a lustrous river of ember green. She chuckled to herself and shook her head. Damn, that was not like her. She certainly did not believe in love at first sight. Even a huge crush. And from what she could tell, that girl was most likely a snot. So why on earth could she just not get her out of her head? 

"Wow." came the voice behind her and that made Clarke startle out of her thoughts. She turned to see the rest of the band standing behind her. 

"That song's pretty cool, man. Are we playing it tonight?" inquired a blown away Raven.

"Nah, I don't think so. It's not quite ready yet." 

"Give it to perfectionist you" snorted Octavia, the band's drums "It's way ready."

Clarke stood up and strapped her guitar on. "I said no."

The band took their positions with a shrug. Clarke was in boss mode. No need to argue when that happened. It was not very often, but when it did, they knew that she was not ready and insisting would only cause her to get pissed off. Last time she had stormed out of the club telling them to go float themselves, and had disappeared for days. 

"Very well, my Queen." Raven joked as she strapped on her bass "your wish is our command." she winked at the rest of the band.

Clarke chuckled as she shook her head. "You guys are a bunch of idiots, I swear. Why do I even bother with you?"

"Because we are the best musicians in the whole continental US." Octavia replied with a roll of drums.

"I'd even say, the world!" Raven continued running her fingers across the chords of her bass.

"Yeah, well, we are not the Runaways." replied Clarke.

"Not yet, you mean." Raven countered.

"Yes. Exactly." Clarke replied before she begun to drum her guitar to the steady and heady rhythm of School Days. 

*****  
Lexa stood before the mirror applying one last subtle touch of make-up. She ran her fingers in her hair, bringing it forward against her chest. She still was not quite used to its length. Getting hair extension had been Anya's idea. But to get its tips dyed red had been hers. When in Rome...she had thought. She liked it. It gave her an edge. Kinda rebel. She smiled at herself in the mirror. A little bit like that girl the other morning. Boy had she been rude to her. But hey, she had asked for it. 

"Oooh, you look crispay!" exclaimed Anya standing in the doorway.

"Are you ready?" Lexa asked looking at Anya in the mirror.

"Don't I look like it?" Anya replied spreading her arms and slightly twirling onto herself.

"Yeah, you look cute."

"Forget it Woods. This peace of ass is way too good for you." replied Anya playfully. 

"Oh, really?" Lexa replied arching her eyebrows, her eyes glinting. "I don't think you could resist me very long." she purred. She always knew how to turn on the charm, and she was very good at it. 

Anya turned red. She hated when Lexa did that. She had that vibe, that feline sort of charm that was extremely hard to resist. She could not pinpoint anyone that ever had been able to. 

"Oh, fuck off Woods." she retorted as she turned her back to Lexa, who grabbed her from behind and squeezed her against her.

"You know you looove me!" Lexa whispered seductively in the smaller woman's ear. 

Anya saddened as she stood very still, not responding. Yes. Of course she did. She always had. She could not remember one moment in her life she had not loved Lexa. All the way from when they were just stupid teenagers still on the fence about what gender they really were into. Even then. Lexa had always had a very special part in her heart.

Lexa froze at the silence that had suddenly fallen in the room. Shit. Did she go too far? She knew Anya probably had had a crush on her once. Hell, they even had done some experimenting together back in High School, but to think that....

"Shit, babe, I'm sorry..." Lexa said softly as she gently disengaged her arms from around Anya.

"Gotcha! Looser!" Anya shouted out as she spun around, a large smile across her lips and her finger in Lexa's baffled face. 

It was years of practiced that allowed her to do that. No one could see behind that mask of hers. Turning everything into a joke was the best defence mechanism she had found. Exposing her feelings was way too hard on her. Especially when it meant running the risk for them to be squashed. It was just easier that way. Plus she hated for people to feel sorry for her. There were enough people in the world to feel sorry for. She didn't wanna be one of them. Plus, no one liked a Deb. So to turn everything in a joke was something she had found worked perfectly. Especially since people, she had noticed, did not really want to hear about your drama. They'd more gladly accept you being a joker. That they were comfortable with. That meant not having to take the time to listen, not having to care too much. 

"Very funny." Lexa replied as she slapped Anya's hand away. 

Lexa played along, because she knew that's what Anya needed, but she was no fool. She had seen that glint of sorrow in those pretty eyes before her friend had so expertly managed to hide it away. Most people probably would not have seen it. But you had to have been there. You had to have been down that pit of despair to know the difference. And not a lot of people had been there. She and Anya had. 

"So? Where are we going?" inquired Anya. 

******

Lexa and Anya entered the booming club and had trouble making their way through the crowd so much the place was already packed.

"Damn! I had heard those girls were good and the new up and coming thing, but shit...this place is literally jammed!" said Lexa as she tried to squeeze her way in.

They finally found a little space for them to stand and that was close enough to the bar.

"Okay, I'm going in. Beers?" asked Anya.

"Dah!" exclaimed Lexa. 

"Okay." Anya took a deep breath in before she started to make her way once again through the mass of griming, sweaty bodies. 

They were still far from the stage, but thank goodness Lexa had the advantage of her height. She looked above the heads toward the end of the club. The band was getting ready to get into a new song, and the lead singer had her back to her, but it was a very nice back from what Lexa could see. 

The first notes to a cover of TAT's I Don't Want To (Love You) began to ring, and the crowd went wild. Damn, they were good indeed, thought Lexa as she looked around the room at the number of fans, boys and girls alike, that seemed to be going crazy with those girls' music. 

Just as the lead singer turned on her heels to face the crowd, Anya reappeared carrying above her head two beers, and handing one to Lexa who gladly took the beverage and a gulp from it.

"Yuk! I think I just took a sweat bath!" Anya complained as she took a drink from her beer and turned to the stage. "Wow. She's gorgeous." 

Lexa turned again to the stage, and missed dropping her glass as her breath caught. Of all the places! The girl from the park! Here! She had to be cursed. Had to be! 

Clarke's eyes were closed as she sung with her heart out. Her voice sultry to perfection, she moved along with the beat slightly bending herself over the microphone as she sung into it. Her blue eyes opened and began to scan the crowd who went wild before she launched in a short guitar solo. There was something definitely beautiful, raw, edgy, almost dangerous about the way this girl sung. Lexa's heart was beating so fast, she was not sure if it was from the heat, the beer, the beat of the club, or simply those eyes as they finally met hers.

Clarke almost lost her rhythm as she saw the girl her mind had not been able to forget standing in the crowd. Was that a mirage? Was she once again imagining her standing a few feet away? She had wished for it ever since that morning, and now there she was. 

"Cuz I don't wanna love you" Clarke began to sing in a slower pace, her eyes riveted on Lexa's "and I'm sick of missing you more and more, and I don't wanna love you. I lust for you, yeah I loose my mind over you. You took my heart, my soul away. And left me thinking about you everyday, yay yeah...."

Lexa stood motionless. She felt every one of those words, as if they had been her own. She startled herself back to reality as the song came to a stop, and the crowd roared. 

Clarke's eyes finally detached from Lexa's, and right away Lexa felt their loss. She needed those eyes. She needed that connection. Never in her life had she felt something so strong and so real...no wait, what? This girl was a stranger! It had to be the heat. Plus rock stars, they tend to have that charisma. Yes. It's just that. The heat, and the....she took a large gulp of her beer, as she thought again of those eyes...the charisma....she emptied her drink. 

"Hey! Easy there!" Anya warned as she grabbed Lexa's hand. "I can't carry you, and I forgot the lift back home!" 

Lexa began to breathe with difficulty and raised her hand to her chest. That pang again. 

"Hey? You okay?" Anya worried as she saw her friend suddenly turn pale. 

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just need some air." 

"I'm coming with you."

"No. I'm fine, really. Plus I think you just got spotted..." Lexa's eyes glint as she nodded toward a cute petite brunette eyeing Anya. 

Anya followed her friend's eyes.

"She's been following you ever since we came in." 

"You think?"

"Go for it girl. She's super cute." encouraged Lexa "I'll just be outside for a little bit. Kinda stuffy in here."

"You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. Don't be a pain. Just go for it." Lexa pushed Anya who hesitantly began to make her way toward the petite brunette.


	4. Cure

Lexa sat on the curb of the sidewalk in front of the club. The air felt good on her face. It had taken her a couple of minutes to regain her breathing, and get that pang in her chest to finally fade a little. 

"Hey. You okay?"

Lexa startled and dared not move as she recognised the unmistakeable low, sultry tone of the voice coming from behind her.

Clarke stood a little in retreat from Lexa, slightly hovering over her. The girl had looked so pale as she had left the club. Clarke had been worried, and she had almost ran out of stage before the end of their first set just to check on her. That was very uncharacteristic of her. Even more uncharacteristic was that, right after their last song, she had begun searching everywhere for her, like a real stalker. But then she had finally found her, just sitting there, pale as death, and something inside her had ached like never before.

Lexa finally gathered the courage to look up and meet those eyes that both terrified her, and soothed her at the same time. 

"Yeah" she replied, her voice slightly catching. Damn it girl. Just get it together. She cleared her throat. "Yes. I'm just fine." 

"Was my music too loud?" Clarke lightly joked, trying to ease the girl.

"Um, no. I just...it's very crowded in there."

"Yeah, I know. They constantly get in trouble with the safety department because they keep letting people in, but..." she shrugged "...what can you do. People love us." She squint playfully.

Lexa smiled. 

"Do you mind if I sit by you?"

Lexa simply shrugged. "Free country." What? How lame was that! Gee! That girl had a tendency to render her either speechless or stupid.

Clarke chuckled as she took a seat next to Lexa. "I'm Clarke."

"Lexa."

"So? What did you think of the show?"

Lexa shrugged nonchalantly. "It was alright." 

"Alright? We killed it, woman. Killed-it." Clarke replied with a glint of playfulness in her eyes.

"Yes. I guess, it was pretty good." Lexa chuckled. 

****

Lexa crept in her apartment as the sun was starting to rise. She said a little silent prayer that Anya would have had some luck with the brunette and not be home....

"You are in sooo much trouble!" came Anya's voice from behind her.

....and crap! Lexa slowly turned to face the pouting face of her roommate and best friend. 

"You owe me an explanation, you owe me a story, and you better make sure it is very, very detailed, and involves a lot, lot, lot, lot of wild and untamed..."

Lexa shut Anya's mouth with her hand.

"We just talked."

"Talked? Are you shitting me right now? Talked? I see you and that drop dead gorgeous lead singer walking away, almost stuck to one another, and you wanna make me believe that you spent the whole night 'talking'? How stupid do you think I am?"

Lexa shrugged as she walked toward the bathroom removing her shirt, followed by the rest of her clothes as she started the shower. She and Anya had lived such a long time together, that they had no more problems with seeing each other in the most intimate ways anymore.

"It's the truth." Lexa replied. Then she turned as it suddenly hit her. "Hey, wait a second...you're dressed...and with yesterday's clothes."

Anya turned red. Damn! She had herself barely had time to sneak back in the house, surprised not to find Lexa already there, when the other girl had come in. 

"Don't change the subject."

"Oh, no no no, wait. This is too good." She turned the faucet off. "Talk. Now. And you better not be sparing details."

Anya turned on her heels and began to walk away. "We talked too." she threw a mischievous glance over her shoulder "only, her vocabulary was limited to three words...'yes', and 'right there'." she laughed as she began to speed down the hallway, closely followed by Lexa.

"Oh, you're not done! You are so not done!" Lexa shouted as she ran after Anya in the house, laughing her heart out. Damn it had been such a long time! It felt fantastic.


	5. Nobody Knows

Lexa sat at her desktop for the twentieth time that day, trying to just sit still and let the words flow, but nothing was coming and the page on her screen remained desperately blank. Damn writer's block! It certainly was not the time for it either. She had to get something done. Had to get some work done. Her next draft was due at the end of the week, and although Abby, her manager, had been pretty cool and understanding, she was starting to get irate with the constant delays. 

"Honey, I know you said this is what you want, but...well...are you sure? I mean, the account is almost empty, and...well...a quicker way to get money....", had hinted Abby. 

"No," Lexa had replied quite drily "I made up my mind. This life is no longer mine. I'm moving on. I need to move on, do you understand that, Abby?"

"Sure, honey. Okay. Whatever you want. Just make sure you meet the deadline this time. You already received an advance, and the producers have been blowing up my phone..."

"Don't worry. I'll make it."

Fuck them, she grumbled. What the hell did they know about the creative process, anyway? It's not something that could come on command. There were a lot of factors that needed to be taken into account. The most important one was that she needed to feel the story, hear the characters, then she became a mere instrument typing away what was given to her. And right now, she didn't feel that romantic comedy, she didn't hear those quirky jokes from her sassy, and sexy characters. She just didn't. 

Her phone rang. Lexa picked it up and read the text message with a smile.

Clarke: 'Hey. What are you up to?' 

Lexa began to type. 

Lexa: 'In dying need of inspiration. Have some to lend?'

Clarke: 'Did my text mislead you by any chance?' came the reply

Lexa chuckled.

Lexa: 'But I think I got the cure you need.' came the next text. 

****

Lexa had been on a boat before. A flat-bottomed boat. On the Bayou. And that was years ago. But never on a speedboat, splitting across the waves of the Atlantic ocean, and she absolutely loved it. 

Clarke took a quick glance back at Lexa and what she saw completely took her breath away. With the wind in her hair, Lexa rested against her elbows, her head slightly rested back, her perfectly tanned, long, smooth legs extended far in front of her, her eyes closed and a soft, appeased smile at the corner of her mouth. Like a mermaid, Clarke thought. 

Lexa opened her eyes, and cocked her head to the side, her eyebrow arching above amused, warm eyes.

"Like what you see?" Lexa asked playfully.

Clarke reddened and turned around, not responding. She cursed under her breath. What was it about this girl? Yes, she was indeed beautiful, but it's not like Clarke had not dated hot women before. She had. Many, actually. But this one. Damn. Just something about her. Something that made her completely lose her usual cool, detached exterior. 

Clarke pondered. It was those eyes. Not just the way they reflected the sun in the most gorgeous rich golden color, not just the way they looked at her and made her feel like they managed to perceive beyond all of her walls, no. It was something else. Something deeper. Something that was definitely calling out. It was some sort of innocence, or yearning to be found, to be understood, to be loved. Despite all the walls, despite all the barriers, Clarke could perceive that small child that just kept screaming out for her to come find her. Clarke's heart ached at that realisation, and some kind of protective rage rose within her. She wanted to find that child, and when she did, she would protect it and nurse it back to life. That she promised herself. No matter what happened, that's what she would do.

Lexa startled at the clapping beside the boat, and fell in awe at the sight of a shoal of dolphins following them. She saw them jumping above the waves as if checking them out, before they began to get closer. 

Clarke slowed the boat a little as she too stared in amazement. They were still pretty close to the coast, and it had certainly never happened to her before.

They both enjoyed the show, as the dolphins jumped along the sides of the small raft, playfully splashing around.

Lexa extended her hand out and one of the dolphins came to place its nose under her hand, pushing it as if wanting to be pet. Lexa laughed.

"They wanna play!" Lexa exclaimed. "Let's go. Stop the boat!"

"What? Are you crazy?" Clarke shouted out. But she barely had time to slow the boat before Lexa had already stood up, shed off her clothes, mindless of the fact that she was not wearing any bra, and jumped into the ocean. 

Clarke rushed to the side of the boat as she saw the other girl disappear into the waters. "Lexa!" She called out in a panic.

"Come on!" Lexa shouted out from a distance, her hand fastened around the dorsal fin of one of the dolphins. 

Clarke smiled as she shook her head. That girl was definitely something. She quickly shed her clothes and plunged into the ocean. Damn! It was only Spring and those waters were still quite cold. She certainly was a sucker for a pretty face.

****

Lexa watched the fourth of July fireworks spark in multiple colors above the waters, as she sat coiled under a thick woollen cover, her feet dangling against the crown of the Statue of Liberty. 

"How did you ever manage that? To get into the Statue on a Fourth is already a miracle, but reserved seating at the top of it when it has been closed for a long time...you certainly impress me."

Clarke shrugged as she handed the bag of popcorn to Lexa, and took a sip from her beer. "I know a girl, who knows a girl. Never heard of the six degrees of separation? It's very accurate."

Lexa took a sip from her beer. "You are a very resourceful woman. I think I'm gonna have to keep you around." 

Clarke shrugged. "I'll be around as long as you want me to be. I don't intend to go anywhere."

Lexa did not answer and stayed silent as she watched the sky light up in thousands of colors for the finale. A sole tear ran down her face. 

"You okay?" Clarke inquired, worried.

Lexa did not answer as she kept staring away. More tears began to follow. 

Clarke stood up, walked to Lexa, and sat behind her, encircling her between her legs, before she pulled her against her and wrapped her in her arms. Sometimes, words were just not what someone needed. Sometimes, feelings were too big for them. In those moments, human connection was the only language left. 

Lexa let the tears fall. She wasn't sad, but the wave of emotions had been way too strong and she had finally relented to let it out. Never had she felt secure, or safe enough with someone to show them her emotions. But with Clarke, everything seemed so simple, so natural, so real. And for the first time, Lexa had felt that human connection people kept talking about, and it wasn't scary at all. It felt warm, and familiar. It felt just right. And that very realisation had been way overwhelming. To think that maybe she had a chance at happiness, to think that something could happen tomorrow, to think that there was a future and it did not look scary at all anymore.


	6. Stop Crying Your Heart Out

Lexa slowly opened her eyes. Where was she? She listened for the sound of the waves crashing against the shore but was greeted instead with the loading of the garbage truck down the street. Right. This was not LA anymore. She was in New York. 

She expected the familiar cold claw around her heart, but today it almost felt bearable. Just a small pang. How strange…

And then she remembered arms. A warm and soothing embrace surrounding her. And beautiful blue eyes looking at her with such understanding, such tenderness...shit...Clarke. Now she remembered where she was. She let her hand hesitantly feel the other side of the bed and stop dead in its tracks. Yep. There was another body laying right next to hers. Damn it. She could not remember anything. Had she slept with the girl? She would remember that, right? 

She couldn’t deal with this right now. First get out. Then get coffee. Yes. Clear her head up. Then she would deal with all this…maybe…but just later…definitely later. 

She started to slowly slide to the side of the bed. Smooth, Lexa, smoooo…. She froze as a moan escaped from the form on the other side of the bed. She startled as she felt the other girl move, roll, and an arm was flung across her midsection. The other girl, still in slumber, gathered her closer, positioning her face at the curve of Lexa’s neck before she let out a loud snore in her ears. 

Lexa startled. She would recognize that snore anywhere. 

“Damn it Anya!”

Lexa pushed the protesting girl off of her and rolled away from her, forgetting that she herself was at the edge of the bed. 

Anya startled awake at the thud on the floor. She pushed herself on her hands and looked up with one eye open and the other asleep. 

“What are you doing?” Anya asked with a voice croaked with sleep. 

“What are you doing in my bed?” Lexa protested as she pulled herself up. 

Anya grunted as she turned over and punched the pillow before she settled back in it. 

“Someone’s in mine” Anya replied. 

“Since when are your one-night conquest sleeping over? And why is it my problem?”

Anya pulls herself back up. She smirked mischievously. 

“Because she’s not my one-night conquest”

Lexa froze. 

“What do you mean?”

Anya smelled the air and a large smile lightened her face. 

“Oh, and she even made breakfast. I like her. Can we keep her?”

Lexa stayed frozen. What now?


End file.
